Mother Never Told Me – The Laws of Gravity

Posted on October 5th, 2011, by iMinerva

Women can defy gravity at any age.

Mother never told me that once you become “A Woman of A Certain Age,” the laws of gravity take over.  The butt and the boobs plummet like Newton’s apple falling to the ground.  Then there’s The Jaw-line Droop, The Upper Arm Waddle, even my ears seem to be closer to my shoulders than they were 20 years ago.  How did all of this happen and when did the downward decline begin?  Isn’t there some vaccine to prevent the Dreaded Droop?  Now that would be a zillion dollar invention!

Of course there are experts to advise on preserving the perkiness of each of our body parts.  I just wish I had started earlier. 

Advice to the younger Sisterhood – Pay Attention To This Warning!!!

iMinerva Offers “A Woman’s Laws of Gravity”

1) The Butt drops first and fast It doesn’t matter how tall you are or where your derierre sits in relation to the ground, it will drop.  Fitness Magazine offers lots of exercise routines like “Get A Bootylicious Butt” and “Look Hot from Behind.”

2) Boobs will sag over time – Kids or no kids, breastfeeding or not, your boobs will sag.  Implants are an option but for naturalists – like me – the pec workouts are the best.  Remember high school gym class when you did arm circles and the crossed-arm jerky punches that made your boobs jump and you hoped your bustline would also jump a size or two?  These are still good exercises requiring no equipment and very little time.

3) Botox is a five-letter word – I’m not a fan of injecting anything – especially something related to botulism poisoning.  Also not ready for the facelift factory – I faint at the sight of needles and knives.  But am willing to spend my fortune on lotions and potions…. a topic I frequently explore on iMinerva.com.

So don’t complain that iMinerva never told you about the Woman’s Laws of Gravity.  It’s proven physics – your body is destined to sag and drag. 

The best advice iMinerva can offer is to fight the inevitable.  Start lifting weights, stand up straight, do your daily kegels, indulge in facials, buy a wardrobe of Spanx and dance, ride a bike, climb a mountain.  If you’re strong, healthy, and having fun, who cares about gravity? 

Women have gone to outer space – now that’s evidence that we most definitely can defy Newton and his pesky laws of gravity.
 

 

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    3 Responses to “Mother Never Told Me – The Laws of Gravity”

    1. Sue Reddel says:

      Nice article Jonni! I just discovered Spanx this month. What a lifesaver :)

      • iMinerva says:

        Thanks Sue. I remember my mother’s girdle. She wore it all the time – said it held her body together! Spanx is much more comfortable. Thanks for reading iMinerva!

      • Johnk231 says:

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